Friday, December 12, 2014

My [Rejected] Bachelor Application


Age: 27
Occupation: Audio Post-Production Engineer Works On A Computer
Hometown: Spring, TX Houston, TX TEXAS
Height: 5'8"
Tattoos: Four, but only one of them has ended a relationship (3 outta 4 ain't baaaad)
Can't live without: Coffee, Sandwiches, Snacks, WIFI (Producers told me to write "love" but I've been doing okay so far.) 
Biggest date fear: the actual experience of it

If I never had to change out of yoga pants, I would be very happy.

If I never got to put on yoga pants, I would be very sad.

If you could be any animal, what would you be?
I would be a lion - but like, a dude lion. They have really pretty hair, are visually intimidating as hell, and got a really cool rep from The Lion King. But I'd be one of those cool loner-lions who didn't have a pride or anything - just sort of hung out on rocks, chased the easy-to-kill antelope, and like, roared every so often just to remind people what was up.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with your winnings?
To be perfectly honest, I'd probably blow a lot of it on wartime propaganda prints and mini-replica canons and stuff like that.  But with the rest of it, I'd invest - in my own spaceship like the USS Enterprise where I would be captain and you'd all be red shirts to me.

What's your most embarrassing moment?
Pretty much every day I get up with moderately average hopes and aspirations and proceed to do something humiliating instead. I can't say I have a "most" embarrassing moment - but here are a few: 

  • I got drunk at a bar and ranted at the stranger next to me for 45 minutes about the emotional journey of Captain America. 
  • Once, I hit myself in the face because I thought the reflection of my bracelet was a spider. 
  • I propositioned a 50-year old father of three without realizing it because slang is different in Ireland and "a ride" did not mean what I thought it meant.

What is your greatest achievement to date?
I watched all of the extended edition Lord of the Rings films in one sitting over the course of two pizzas. 

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